When Past Hurt Shapes What We Believe

If you had told me a few years ago that I would one day be writing publicly about Jesus, I probably would have laughed and told you there was absolutely no chance.

For years, I was deeply immersed in New Age spirituality and healing. I was skeptical of Christianity and, at times, even made fun of Christians (the irony of believing I was more spiritually enlightened while judging someone else’s spirituality is not lost on me).

And then Jesus pursued me and changed my life.

I don't know how else to describe it. What began happening in my life became impossible for me to ignore. Eventually, I reached a point where I could no longer reconcile many of my spiritual beliefs with what I was discovering about Him.

I never expected to be here.

Yet here I am—singing a very different tune.

And because I once stood on the other side of this conversation, I have tremendous compassion for people who are skeptical, curious, hurt by the church, or wondering whether Christianity could possibly hold anything for them.

Following Jesus has taught me something important:

Sometimes people aren't rejecting Jesus. They're rejecting what they've experienced from people who claimed to represent Him.

I've experienced this personally.

As my faith changed, some people from my previous spiritual circles became hesitant to trust me. Christianity carried associations shaped by past painful experiences they'd had with Christians or the church.

I can understand that.

But I wish I could gently tell anyone standing there:

Please don't mistake someone's imperfect representation of Jesus for Jesus Himself.

Don't let someone playing Beethoven badly make you believe Beethoven is a bad composer/musician

Imagine hearing someone play Beethoven terribly.

Wrong notes. Bad timing. Completely missing the music.

You wouldn't conclude Beethoven was a terrible composer. You'd recognize that the musician wasn't representing the original very well.

Christianity can be similar.

Christians are supposed to reflect Christ—but we're still human. We carry wounds, fears, learned behaviors, and deeply ingrained patterns.

Scripture describes an ongoing process of transformation:

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” — Romans 12:2

Interestingly, neuroscience gives us language for part of this process.

Our brains create pathways through repeated thoughts, experiences, and behaviors. Neuroplasticity tells us those pathways can change, but change takes repetition and time.

Following Christ doesn't instantly erase decades of learned behavior.

We are being renewed.

Go directly to the source

If you've experienced church hurt, I'm not suggesting you minimize it.

Hurt matters. Boundaries can be necessary. Forgiveness doesn't mean pretending something healthy happened when it didn't.

But someone's failure doesn't have to become your lens for deciding who Jesus is.

Go directly to Him.

Read the Gospels (The Good News!): Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John.

Notice how Jesus treats people. Notice His tenderness toward the hurting and His response to hypocrisy. Notice His compassion, truth, mercy, and authority.

Ask:

Jesus, who are You really?

Maybe you're standing where I once stood. Your old spiritual beliefs no longer feel right, but following Christ and his teachings feels unfamiliar—or maybe you're simply searching for healing and wondering what you believe.

You don't have to figure everything out today.

Start with curiosity.

Ask Jesus to reveal Himself. Read one chapter of a Gospel. Bring Him your skepticism and questions - I did and currently still do!

The deeper I continue to go in my education and work around neuroscience and the brain-body connection, the more fascinated I become by something profound: the God who created these intricate systems understands them more intimately than we ever could.

He knows our thoughts, our fears, our patterns, our wounds, and the ways our experiences affect us.

Scripture tells us that He knew us before we were even born:

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” — Psalm 139:13

Long before neuroscience gave us language for understanding the brain and body, God knew every intricate detail of how He designed us. And I'm becoming increasingly interested in exploring what happens when we allow what we're learning through science to sit alongside the wisdom God has already given us about how we think, live, struggle, heal, and become free.

This intersection of neuroscience, the brain + body, and biblical truth is where my work is increasingly taking me.

If you're navigating your own healing, questioning old beliefs, or becoming curious about Jesus, I'd love to walk alongside you.

Come with your questions. Come while you're figuring it out. You don't have to have it all together to begin.

Click here to book a complimentary call with me.